I didn't eat through my emotional pain yesterday. I feel better today. Please continue to pray for my family. To tell our story may help other families but my family might be hurt in the process. I am working on the story. My family is healing and telling the story is part of the healing process.

Just when you think you are doing good in life, the devil is there to knock you down. Personal issues, need prayers and support. Will explain later just need quick relief and the extra power of prayer.

Boy are my arms sore and I love it. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed lifting weights. Trying to get out of the sugar also. I know what I did the past year and half worked for me but it wasn't working anymore. My body craves something with more physical requirements. My old WOE wasn't allowing me to be active enough. Don't get me wrong. I trained for a marathon on it but it wasn't the best thing and it wasn't easy. So I have added weight training, I am adding foods back into my WOE, and I am trying to give up sugar.

Like I said yesterday, I will never reach a finish line. I am trying to remind myself that everyday is a struggle for progress not perfection.

This morning I was ready for anything. Despite running late, I felt good about the day. Two hours into a meeting where a woman read a 27 page document that hasn't changed in the last 5 years that I have worked with the program, I lost my spirit. I grew angry, agitated, and misused. I played nice but as I was leaving I tried to feel those feelings. I gave them attention. I tended to the feelings. It was lunch time and although I was still feeling upset I didn't eat to soothe that feeling. As another person joined our lunch with a bitterness that is constant I didn't eat for those feelings also. Those were her emotions and they have nothing to do with me. Tonight was board meeting night, which is usually stressful also. Tonight I was quiet and listened to my feelings. I came away feeling much better then I have in awhile.

I have a long way to go but today was progress.

I have been meaning to get back here for awhile.  I didn't realize it had been 4 months since I last posted.  Where have I been?  Well, my husband got a new job, my daughter changed schools, we moved to a new town, the boys changed schools, we bought a house, stock shows, basketball, baseball, track, and work.  New routines, new people, new places, new church, new friends, and 100 other things have filled my time.  I haven't been running.  I have been lifting boxes, mucking pens, unpacking, and trying to adjust.  My diet has been okay, not great but holding steady.  My body has changed some and doesn't feel or look as good as last summer but I am okay (not really) with that.  I am reading a new book that "Life of L" suggested and really like it.  JoJo and I started or are trying to start a new workout routine.  I am not willing to divulge much, maybe she will.  Several years ago we had a lot of success with BFL and it is almost identical to that.  I miss working out and really miss my muscles.  Hopefully we can keep each other accountable and be looking good in no time.  We plan to start running again in a 3-4 weeks but are really focusing on building some base muscle first. 
What else?  I realized that I was never going to be finished with my weight loss journey.  There will always be work to do.  I will never get to a place where I will be complete.  Just like a home, there will always be something that needs straigthening, something to clean up, something broken, something new, something messy, and sometimes something that is perfect.  Nothing lasts forever and I am working to accept that.  I lost a bunch of weight.  I ran a marathon.  I bought another house.  And temporarily, I was happy each time but I wasn't fixed.  I was and am still broken.  I am working on that.  Self care seems to be the answer and I want to make this blog part of that care again.
So today, there are healthy foods in the house, my kids are well, my dishes are clean, I got my workout in, I ate clean, I read, I blogged, and I prayed.  Today was good.  Tomorrow is it's own day.   

Virtual Turkey Trot

Print your race bib and get ready to run!

It wouldn't be like me if I didn't try to make this the most stressful weekend ever.  I am going to San Antonio to run my first marathon ever.  I have tried this race before but didn't make it through the training last time.  I have made it this time.  It will be great but I don't want to get nervous by talking about it too much this morning.

The other stress is where I need the focus this morning.  I made an offer on a house.  Yes, me, by myself.  See we own a home in another town and we haven't been living in it for 5 years.  We have renters and I am thankful for that but it's not the same as getting to live in your own home that you are paying for anyway.  I know, I am rambling.  So that loan is in my husband's name.  This new home loan will be in my name.  Yikes.  I hope they accept.  I hope this is God's plan and I am doing my best to let it be his plan for us and not mine or ours.  I am so stressed about having this trip fall right in the middle of it.  I know the trip will be expensive.  I know the new house will be expensive.  But I think I need them both.  I think maybe, just maybe, I deserve them both.  But I don't want to be greedy so I go back to praying about it and leaving what I can up to God.  I hope that I will be able to see the path he has set before me and I hope I will be strong enough to walk it. 

Just had to get these thoughts down before driving to San Antonio with them racing through my mind.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we deal with the stress of the marathon this weekend and the stress of the many, many other changes in our lives right now.