Author: Jilligan
•6:48 AM

The scale is up again. What is wrong? I am being honest with myself about everything I am doing and eating. I will not quit but its a terrible way to start the day.

Author: Jilligan
•8:08 PM

I have had a great day. I went over 10000 steps, I walked for one hour outside, I drank my water, I stayed in my calorie range, I jumped on my little trampoline, and day 3 without soda. Scale was back down again this morning to my lowest on this round. I hate that scale but I am not going to let that scale get me down. I am going to beat it. As long as I am taking more steps forward then backwards.

Planning on another good day tomorrow.

Author: Jilligan
•6:24 PM
Scale was up again this morning. I didn't even have a full fledged free day. I gave up dt soda yesterday. I have been without now for two days. I am staying under my calorie allotment. I am getting my calorie burn in daily. I am getting frustrated. I know it can't come off quickly but I want it to at least come off and not hop back on the next day. I will finish out Conquer the Fat Loss this week. Not sure but I think I am going to BFL next week. It really makes the most sense. It is a plan I can continue forever. I was really successful with it before. I can be successful again. I don't have much to blog about. Lots of emotional stuff going on with me but nothing I want to share. Just thought I better let everyone know I am riding the roller coaster of life. I don't expect the ride to stop anytime soon but I am looking for a smooth patch.
Author: Jilligan
•10:41 PM

I just want to be able to go into a store and buy regular clothes in a regular size.  I have two gift certificates for Academy. I want to buy some cute workout clothes. I don't want to buy shoes, mens clothes, or socks.  I went into Academy twice today. Once before my meeting and then again at lunch. I left without anything both times.

Author: Jilligan
•8:40 PM
Today was the beginning of week 7. It is the same as last week as far as meal plan. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I made it through my birthday week with one oz of chocolate cake and one oz of red velvet. I am proud of that. The rest of the red velvet is sitting in my kitchen but that doesn't really bother me.
My DH is gone this week to a training. He was actually asked to be an instructor at a lineman school. He was really pumped about that. However, that means I have to go to work late everyday since I am dropping off the kids. Good thing I have a nice boss.
Also, we are experiencing some hard things as parents right now. I never dreamed I would have to do what I did this morning but we made it through. I hate to be the type to bring something up and not finish the story but I think it is up to the one who made the mistake to confess the mistake. We had a great sermon yesterday about living for the future and not the present. I really think that's especially true for kids. They are always in the present. I know, this to shall pass. I know, things could be worse. I love my kids and will always love them no matter what. I am just having a hard time with it. But on a good note, I didn't eat the problem. I knew that food would not help solve nor would it make me feel better.
On top of all that, work is crazy again. Lots of emotional decisions being made all around. I hope that good will prevail. I trust in my boss and myself, as well as the ones that work closest to us. After the last round, I have learned to put my trust in God and he will see me through.
Thanks for the therapy. Tomorrow is a new day.
Author: Jilligan
•7:03 PM
What is the goal really? Is there just one? Are they big or small goals?

I posted yesterday that I was a little disappointed by the lack of results I was seeing with the WOE I am currently working with. But at the same time, I am rational about the amount of time this plan of mine will take. All this being said, I have been thinking about the goals I have set for myself. I have several and I hope that all of them combined will help me reach the biggest one-good health.

My goals:

  1. Conquer the Fat Loss Code for 8 weeks (currently on week 6)

  2. Reach my initial calorie burn goal of 2100 daily and increase it by 500 every week.

  3. Lose 32 pounds by the end of Christmas break

  4. Lose 80 pounds overall (no time period in mind)
  5. Become a runner again
  6. Lower my blood sugar to a normal level
  7. Find my way to a healthy life.

But all these are really big goals in and of themself. I can't focus on one without focusing on them all. Each of them will work together to help me reach the ultimate goal. I can't let them overwhelm me. Now to find the path that will lead me to each one of them.

Author: Jilligan
•5:53 PM
So this week starts 3 weeks of the strictest part of this WOE. It is also the most complicated of the 8 week cycle. Fats up, carbs zero or carbs down, fats down, or fats down, carbs baseline all of which means nothing if you haven't read Crack the Fat or Conquer the Fat. I was a lot more impressed with the writing and editing of the 2nd book until I got to the diet plans this week. I think once again, Chant rushed to press with this one. I know, she was on her death bed and has since passed but it seems to me, if she was the diet guru she claimed to be, she wouldn't want false information on the market. Furthermore, her "diet partner" whom I never heard of until she passed away, is shoving more nonsense down the throat of dieters now in an attempt to make money off of her company. It's all unfortunate because the Crack program had lots of followers. The books were hard to find, the blogs were on fire, and the company was really seeing success. I am sure the same would have been true of Conquer if Chant had lived long enough to promote the book.

I will continue to follow it through the last three weeks but I haven't seen a lot of progress with the plan. I have been true to it overall, with just a few minor slip-ups. I am still ahead of my weight loss goals but haven't seen the scale move significantly in a while. I am committed to the process but just not sure this is the right path for me.
Author: Jilligan
•1:23 PM
I have been under the weather for a few days but feel like I am on the mind. Day 3 of antibiotics must be working. I have been able to stay within my calorie range during the "sickness" and have barely gotten my calorie burn. I figure I may have burned more through the fever but who knows! I haven't weighed every day this week. I am sort of willing to treat this week as a wash and not worry about the scale as long as it hasn't gone up. The one good thing was that I didn't try to make myself feel better by eating. Even when my mouth was broken out in blisters, I was worried about eating yogurt or drinking cranberry juice for fear of the effect it might have on my diet. That may seem extreme but it was necessary because sometimes, one wrong thing can send me into a binge.

I have done fairly well for nearly 5 weeks. I want things to happen quicker then they are but I know that's not what's best. I am just going to make it to the Christmas holidays and then re-evaluate my plan. I can do it. It's only 4 months and I hope 32 pounds.

Drink your water, take your vitamins, and wash your hands. This flu is a bad one and is starting early.
Author: Jilligan
•12:20 PM
Today has reminded me of the cotton eyed joe...Where did they come from? Where did they go? I have lost 15 pounds in the last 4 weeks. Where from? I don't know. My rings are loose. I had to tighten my bra. Regardless, I will take it. All this being said, you can't tell that I lost 15 pounds. I am still heavier than I have been in the last 3 years. I still have 80 pounds to go. But the good news is that I don't still have 95 pounds to go. And that the scale is not moving up.

Other then that, it's the same old story. This is a long blah, blah, blah process. I can stay on blah, blah, blah plan. I will drink my blah water. I will make good choices, blah, blah, blah.

Did I mention I have the flu? Maybe, just maybe it is making me cranky. That and the fact that I have only gotten 7 hours of sleep combined in the last two nights. And it's labor day and everybody is off but me.

As I look back over the last few posts, I have been pretty negative. Maybe I need an attitude adjustment. A little retail therapy? A Sonic happy hour dt. coke? A vacation? Some tamiflu? What do you do to give yourself an attitude adjustment?
Author: Jilligan
•6:21 PM
Today started out terribly. I had to take two of the three kids to school which isn't any big deal except one of them can't be dropped off until 7:30. If I don't leave town by 7:15, I am late to work. See the problem, at least the first one anyway. The 2nd one was that my daughter didn't pick out any clothes last night, plus it was pe day and she didn't know where her shoes were. So yes, as the worst parent in the world, I lost it. I was beyond upset. As I was searching her room for clothes and shoes, she decided she wanted to wear her cheerleading suit which has been missing since dress up day. So we had to look for that, shoes, and socks. Then after all of this, I go back to the living room and my son is relaxing in the lazy boy while I am screaming my head off. No, it never occurred to him to get up and help.

All of this put me really behind for work which left me with no time for breakfast. I met back up with my DH to get some cash and went for the compulsive eating purchase. I bought a bag of pretzels. Carbs always help, right? I made it about ten miles down the road and texted my support group. They told me to step away from the carbs. I decided to take their advice.

And the day got better. And I survived. And my daughter forgot about my rant. And my son was helpful again by this afternoon. And the day was okay.