Author: Jilligan
•9:15 PM
I made it through the day. I ate according to plan. I exercised. I got my steps in. I did not let this day win. I let myself win. I decided to and I did.

I even made chocolate chip cookies for Kallie and didn't eat any. Not any dough, not any cookies, not even a crumb. Okay so I kind of overcooked them on purpose because I like them soft and gooey. No one else seemed to mind!

I took several steps in the right direction today. Could I have eaten a cookie? Yes, it's not a crime. It's just not in the right direction for me today and probably not for awhile. But guess what? I didn't die. I made my daughter happy. And I feel pretty good about the day. For a day that started so worrisome, it turned out to be an okay day. Wonder what tomorrow will hold.
Author: Jilligan
•9:35 AM
Today could be a bad day. I lost it when I got on the scale and not in the way I wanted. I lost it when I had to get dressed and nothing fit. I literally have two pairs of pants that I can wear to work. This day will be a test. This day could be a failure. This day could be a step in the wrong direction. But so far, I have decided to continue to work my plan. I have decided to stay on track even if I am standing still. I have decided to pass this test. For now. The day is young and the bad thoughts are coming out.

I have a can't reach that goal.
It's 4 months are already behind.
I can lose 8 pounds a month...yes, but you gained this morning.
I love grits...whatever.
I will give up dt. your dreams.
I can drink more hate water.
I can exercise more...your knees and feet hurt.

Etc...and it continues.
Author: Jilligan
•6:58 PM

If I make it through this evening I will have been on plan all week. I have had a few cravings but have worked through them. I got my free choices in yesterday and haven't suffered additional cravings because of them. I haven't seen the scale move much but I know it will come. I am going to try to step up my exercise this week.

Here has been my issue today. The family wanted a snack/supper after swimming and before church. I had already had my planned snack so I wasn't hungry. I knew if I went in with them I would order something because of the smells and the past tastes. So I said I would just sit in the car. They misunderstood and brought their food back to the car so now I am trapped with the smells and the sounds. This is something I will have to deal with. Tonight I decided to blog while they ate. But the thoughts of food have been planted. What now?

Author: Jilligan
•8:07 PM
Feeling good about myself tonight. I have had two good days with this WOE. I don't want to get too cocky because it's only been two good days but sometimes it's the little things that make the big difference. It seems to me like I have spent a lot of my life trying to lose weight and a little of it gaining it. Why does it come on so much faster then it goes off? I could eat something crazy and gain 5 pounds overnight then starve myself the next week and still not be able to get it off. If I could figure it out, I would be rich. I have decided the key is just to stick with it. Don't allow myself to backslide. Hold myself accountable to everything that goes in my mouth. This includes binging, sneaking, sampling, nibbling, and everything in between. That and not buying cheese danishes!
Author: Jilligan
•6:32 PM
We are making progress, me, myself, and I. Today I have taken steps again to move in the right direction. I had a few rough days there but I am going again. Actually, I just had a few rough afternoons. I made my plan last week and I am going to stick to it. I packed my food today. I drank my water. I walked the walk.

The kids started school today so lots of changes for everyone. My oldest went to high school, the middle child started jr. high, and the youngest is a 1st grader. After school, I talked to the 6th grader first. He loved school. He loves his teachers. He had a great day. My fish was indifferent. He made some girls mad at lunch with his buddies and they got their lunches dumped on them. He didn't seem too angry about it, thank goodness. My first grader is in bed already! Not sure if it will be a nap or if she will sleep all night. Apparently school is hard work when you are in the 1st grade. She loves school so I am not at all worried about her.

Better get off the computer and make some dinner. Also need to finish my other 2 miles still. I can do this, hang in there with me (myself and I).
Author: Jilligan
•8:23 PM

But somehow I ate thee! There was one danish left in the teacher's lounge, there was a childhood dessert served at lunch, there were chips at dinner, there was a tortilla and honey and then they were gone. Just like that. Not going to have them and then I did. Then once I had taken one step in the wrong direction I took another and another.

I am going walking now. I am drinking lots of water. I know the problems and I have the answers. Want to hear the plan?

Take my cooler to work with my meals prearranged.
Drink my water.
Drink less dt soda.
Stay away from the lounge.
No matter what foods my friends are bringing to me, I can still say no.
Exercise, exercise, exercise.
Talk to someone for reinforcement.
Work the plan.


Author: Jilligan
•8:26 AM

I lost my motivation for about 12 hours. I had icecream again (which was allowed) but the next morning I had a cheese danish. A cheese danish is one of my most favorite foods. Okay so I had two of them. Not in one sitting but one at the first of the 12 hour losing it and one at the end of the 12 hour lost it period.

Gotta get it back today because that little 12 hour period cost me 2 pounds. That and maybe my first cycle in 8 months which could have also contributed to the cravings!

Working on losing it without losing it today.

Author: Jilligan
•10:15 PM
Tonight I had a chance to have homeade ice cream-butter finger. My son had been by with several different choices of ice cream and I was able to resist. But then he came by with butterfinger, ice cream with big chunks of butter finger. I asked him for a bite and he left me half the cup. I took a bite and it was good. I gave the cup to my husband. I got a headache almost immediately. Guess it only takes a few days for your body to adjust to low carbs. Glad I stopped after one bite instead of eating the whole cup. Go me!
Author: Jilligan
•9:36 PM

I went walking tonight by myself, well, I had the dogs. I am not a fast walker but thanks to one of the dogs, the pace is a little faster then usual. Anyway, to the point...I saw some people I knew while I was walking. I didn't talk to them and they didn't talk to me but as I was approaching them I thought of all the things they must be thinking or saying. Granted I never heard them say anything, but I imagined lots of things I thought they might say. And everything I thought was ugly or negative. Nothing positive, nothing encouraging, and nothing nice. But it wasn't them talking. It was my own negative self talk. I was saying those things to myself. I was thinking those things about myself. The whole process made my angry because I was actually becoming mad at them as I passed them. Yet they had done nothing to me. Luckily, tonight, I was able to catch what I was doing to myself and make the choice to stop. Most of the time I can't. Most of the time, I let the negative take control.

I have had to deal with a lot of negative lately. Some of it my own, some of it from others but all of it directed towards me. I am trying not to let these types of things impact me.

Positively, I ate clean again today. All week we will have desserts at work so I will fight that battle. I also walked 3 miles and took the dogs. I got some laundry done and put up. I mowed the yard. I can combat the negative!

Author: Jilligan
•8:41 AM

This is a must read for anyone who has lost weight and is at a stand still. Keep up the fight. Remain valiant!

Today is week 2 for me. Food wise, it will be a repeat of last week. Stress wise, it will double. I had a bad night with some personal issues and didn't sleep well. Hoping to shake all that off and get going again. I have eaten one meal and although I ate it angrily, I did not stress eat or overeat. Things will be fine but sometimes you just can't help life.
Author: Jilligan
•5:06 PM

Sunday dinner with my family always means lots of food and a wonderful dessert. Today was no exception but I had to look at the meal differently to fit my WOE.  I had roast without gravy, skipped potatoes because my carb was going to be a homeade roll, salad w/o dressing, green beans, and asparagus. I did without the "fruit" salad, the potato, the cauliflower salad, and the most difficult: dessert. It was a peanut butter pie which goes great with coffee. It wasn't the hardest decision like it would have been with cobbler or Sunday pie. I just told myself today wasn't the last chance ever that I would get to have peanut butter pie. And just because I couldn't have it today didn't mean I would never get it again. It's just that right now, today, it wasn't what my body needed.

I didn't walk away hungry and I didn't walk away wanting more. I walked away satisfied that I had given my body what it needed. I made good choices today. I am walking in the right direction.

Author: Jilligan
•8:03 AM

While it's true that the scale and I have had a relationship for years, it has been a love/hate thing. However, after another nice visit this morning we have done more to mend the errors of our, um, my ways.

We are heading to my son's first high school football scrimmage. I can't believe he is going to be 15 in a few months. Before long he will be gone.

That's just 4 years from now. Another blogger I read has taken over three years to get rid of 100 pounds. I hope it doesn't take me that long but I am going to be living those years anyway. So getting to the point...I will be healthy before my oldest son graduates. Once he told me that we were like the beads on my bracelet. He and his dad were the skinny ones and I was the fat one. I don't want to be the fat bead anymore.

Author: Jilligan
•7:35 AM

The scale loved me today. It rewarded me with a good number. It realized how hard I have worked this week. We have a good strong relationship today. I think I will continue to work on it.

Author: Jilligan
•1:45 PM

Mobile posting-does it work?

Author: Jilligan
•10:49 PM
So far so good. I haven't had any of the carb cravings that I did with the first week of crackin the code. This plan takes you down for a few days and then lets you come back up before going down again. It seems easy enough. I really like another blog I read that said something to the effect that it may take many months to get back to where I need to be but I will have to be present in those months anyway. Wouldn't it be better to live them each day then to die a little more each day? I want to be able to say this time tomorrow that I did something good for myself, that I made good choices in the last 24 hours.

Today was a good day. I got my food right. I got a treat tonight according to the plan. I got my walk in. I blogged. I recorded my food. I drank my water. I will go to bed before midnight.

I will do this.
Author: Jilligan
•4:12 PM
Well, I am back on the "code" but I am doing conquer instead of crackin'. It is easier to begin with because you don't have the carb deplete to go through. However my DS says that's when you get rid of the weight!

I haven't done very well this summer. I actually have gone in the wrong direction for most of it. Can't continue down this road any longer because before long I will be too far to come back.

I also started my marathon training again. Granted, it's going to be awhile to build my base back but I can do it by taking one step at a time.

This won't be easy but every day I have a choice. It's up to me to make the right one.
Author: Jilligan
•7:13 PM

It's my week to babysit so we came down early. Got in Friday and we leave next weekend sometime. We didn't do much yesterday and did a little shopping today. I was able to find tj some shoes he wanted and some jeans.
Kallie got hair cut to donate for a chemo patient. She got a pink extension for a reward and also got to go to build a bear.
Tonight everyone is hanging out playing the wii. I am hoping for some Firehouse wings but haven't heard what the jury has to say about that.

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