Author: Jilligan
•8:43 AM
Last week I had a job interview.  I thought I nailed it.  As a matter of fact, the person interviewing me caught me in the parking lot after and told me I had done a great job and the committee was really impressed with me.  There was no doubt in my mind I would get the job.  It seems our family has a superiority complex so I had no doubt I was better than anyone else.  Yes, I realize that's ridiculous.  But stay with me.  You can imagine my shock and disappointment the next day when I got the call saying while I was the more qualified and the best interview, they were going with someone else.  Someone who wasn't smarter than me, who wasn't more qualified than me, who wasn't the better choice but someone who got the job instead of me.  I have been dealing with this all week and it isn't fun. But alas and alack, I move on. 

During that interview they asked me what my friends would say about me if asked.  Not my professional references, not even my personal references, but my friends.  I thought about that long and hard.  I...don't...have...any...friends...Sure there is my husband, my sisters, my mom, maybe my aunt but does family count as friends?  I don't even think I am a friend to myself.  So further self reflection.

Can things be friends?  In a strange way yes.  But what would these friends say about me?  First my blog.  It's still here.  It isn't going anywhere.  It has been there through the good times and the bad.  It has helped me to celebrate success and to cope with disappointment.  But I have neglected it lately.  So what does it say about me?  What about my treadmill?  It was dusty and folded up.  Unplugged and unused for months.  I got back on my treadmill yesterday.  The weight it had stored as mine was a lie.  The distances were long and the time moved slowly.  It deceived me by setting itself at a 3 incline.  No sound would come out of it's speakers.  It was still there whether I needed or wanted to use it.  The exercise it provided me was therapy.  I have visited my treadmill for over an hour two days now.  I plan to continue.  What about my diet?  I use food as a comfort no question about it.  I use it for sorrow and for joy, for pain and for happiness, for anger, resentment, pleasure, or deceit.  But food as also helped me.  I was using food appropriately for a long time but I had slipped back into my old ways.  I thought if I ate correctly in public, no one would see how I ate in private.  My pants got tighter and my scale went higher.  I still thought I was tricking everyone.  I was the only one who could see.  But my diet was my friend and would not lie for me or help me deceive anymore.  I am back on the right path regarding food.  I know there will be detours along the way but I have my map in hand again. 

Man, I have a lot of issues.  I really am working on them.  Maybe I will find some more friends along the way.
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