I think I found my way this morning along my 5 mile run. It felt good. My body did well. My legs carried me all the way. My heart and mind spoke to me. I am figuring it out. The one thing I do know both literally and figuratively, it's a long road alone. So thanks for being along for the journey.

I have lost my way. I am still running and I am still working on my plan but I have lost the desire. I have lost the motivation. I can barely remember the reason I started.

There comes a point in your weight loss journey where the place you are at becomes good enough. The stuggle becomes harder then the battle.  I am at this point.

So many people have started to notice my weight loss and in turn noticed me. I don't feel comfortable with that. They start to say things mostly out of jealousy but its a real drag to hear their garbage. I know I shouldn't allow their feelings to project but I can't help myself sometimes.

Here is the real problem. I am at my lowest weight yet still feel like a failure at it.  I bought some new pants last night going from a size 22 to 12, not happy about that. Lost 13 pounds in the last 6 weeks, not enough. Lost 8 inches in the last month, nope not happy about that either.  See the problem. These should all be very good things but they aren't enough. And here is the reason(s), I still hate my job or really some of the people there, I am still paying a mortgage on a house that I don't live in, I am still wishing my childhood was different, and it just goes on and on. I know my sister would tell me stop whining and start living and that's what I have been trying to do since October. I just don't think I am doing it right.

I am still walking on the path but I just don't know where the path is going.

Wow, the weekend went by fast even with the extra day off. Friday we had baseball games and a family meal out. Saturday a round of golf and a cookout for my daughter's birthday. Today we had church, family lunch, and egg hunt. 

I got a run in on Friday and today.  Didn't get the 5 in that was on the schedule but I will pick that up tomorrow. running is going great. Aches and pains are minor as long as I avoid carbs. If I have many carbs I really feel inflammation in my joints.  I am seeing a chiropractor 3 times a week to help with some non running related shoulder, neck, jaw issues.

Food/diet from now on will be called WOE(way of eating). We used this term with the crackin diet but I like it because I don't want to feel so limited by the term diet and the restriction it implies. I still have 20 pounds to lose but my mileage is calling for a different WOE so I will be making some adjustments over the next few weeks.

I was proud of the size of my dress today and think it could have been a size smaller. My DH looked nice in his new shirt also. Hope the pictures turn out. The kids of course always look great.

Hate to think about going back to work tomorrow but I am thankful to have a job. The economic crisis is really hurting education and I am glad we haven't seen drastic cuts in our district yet.  Big testing week for Texas students so that means stressful days for teachers and kids. Lots of reasons to pray this week. 

And somehow in all this I need to find my motivation again, my drive, my desire to be as healthy as possible. I need to find a way to prevent stumbling blocks from becoming mountains. The body is coming along and I just need to let the mind catch up.

Wow, it was a little cooler then I expected this morning. Strange how 42 can feel so different at times. Probably could have toughed it out but after half mile I came back and got on the treadmill. I figured it was just as easy to do that if not easier then trying to find some tights in the dark so my DH didn't wake up. See I can be thoughtful and nice. Glad I got that out of the way before work. JK, well kind of.

Aside from the chilly air, my legs weren't in the run either. Tired, heavy, and knees were too loose.  Still need to build some more quad muscles and although I hate to admit it, I need more carbs. 6.5 months of near zero carbs has left me pretty well depleted. Problem is I have 6.5 months left of fat to get rid of. My diet is still serving me well for weight loss but it won't serve me much longer for running and definitely not for training. We'll see.

Glad to have my run in for this morning. 3 miles further done the road then I was when I got up this morning. And day 102 on MED 2011 is complete.

I have this little twinge(Sandy, a limerick please) that I am going to ignore not in a "run through the pain" sort of way but more of a "I know you are there but I am ignoring you" sort of way.

I ran outside this morning ignored twinge on curb side, however I did try to run in middle of road mostly. Twinge, I am not talking about you but if I were I might say you are more of a tracking issue then an ITB issue. Maybe even a little bit like fluid under my kneecap around my non-meniscus but we aren't talking about you, remember, Twinge.

After reading this you may still be questioning my mental state! Ha. I got a good restful night of sleep. The scale rewarded my good behavior this morning. I stayed on track yesterday with no emotional eating.

A good morning has got to translate into a good day especially if I can find somewhere to ditch this twinge. Maybe in an ice bath or maybe by the stim machine!