Today was a day off from work, from school, from chores, from much of anything! I loved this day. I slept late, really late. I got to take a nice long hot bath without any interruptions. I got to read a book. I took a nap. I did some laundry (thank goodness I only had enough soap for one load, cause I don't want to go overboard). I did a load of dishes. I played with Kip's dog. It was a good me day.

I am reading a new book about emotional eating. I also have a workbook that goes with it. It's pretty good but I haven't decided if it will help me or not. It has caused me to think about why I have been eating over the last few days. I will let you know how it goes.

I am still sore from working on the "swingset". Surprisingly, the back of my legs are the worst. I guess because I can't bend my knees to get down and work, I did a lot of bending instead of squatting. It feels good to be sore. I think we can finish the playground with another day of work.

Baseball season is in full swing so most nights are full with either practice or games. Thursday night we have 6 things scheduled all for the same 2 hour block of the evening. Thank goodness Mom will be able to come help out.

My daughter is calling for my attention. It has something to do with a hula hoop. Sounds exciting!

I haven't been taking much time for myself lately. I have been allowing myself to be drained by others. At the end of the day, who am I kidding, at the beginning of the day, I have nothing to give to myself. That will change today. I deserve more from myself and I deserve more from others. I want to make myself important again. I am doing some work on that. In the meantime, I am trying to decide the path to take to get me back to where I need to be. I have been playing around with it for a few weeks and lost 13 pounds. That's been wasted now. Another month of treading water. That's the past. I am looking towards the future.

I really liked the blog today, "The Lawsons did Dallas". http://granolasdodallas.blogspot.com/2010/05/sport-of-selfishness.html It made sense to me, the reasons for running. Now I have to figure out how to get back to that place. The place where I matter, where nothing will get in my way, where I can take steps forward to a healthier me. That's what matters, health.

I am sure you could travel down the pages of my blog and read the same message over and over again. I am not sure that this time will be different but I really want it to be.

Well my travels brought me back to Austin again. This time is a completely different experience than the last. Two of our students received awards from UT through our migrant program. Thanks to TEA approval we were able to bring their families to share the experience. Many of you who are not involved in education may not understand the limited experiences that some students/people have had in their lives. Things that we take forgranted are things they think they will never see or do. For example, ordering from a restuarant. Even then they want to know where the $1 menu. None have been to a mall or a movie. First time to stay in a motel and today will be the first time they have been served breakfast cooked to order. First time to swim in a pool for some of them other than the swimming lessons we provide during summer school.

Last night was the first for Asian food. I tried to help them pick safe foods. Most of the 16 were happy and only one would openly express her distaste for her choice but was able to find something she liked. Luckily they had snacked all day so no one went hungry!

Later back at the pool, only one or two had swimsuits but no one seemed to mind that they got in with shorts and tshirts. I tried to get them to try the sauna but no one wanted to, they were afraid it would take their breath.

Today we were going to a march for Cesar Chavez but the kids asked to go to a mall instead. Tomorrow we are going to a museum, IMAX, the Capital, and some exhibits. Monday is the awards presentation, and Tuesday is the drive home.

I have learned alot about their lives and they have all survived things that I hope my own children never have to know. Not only have they survived but they are doing well. I am a better person for having known them and for being able to take this trip with them.

Tommorrow we head to Houston after a few days in Austin. Food intake has been okay, water intake a little low, exercise consisted mostly of walking. Before we had left home, I was down 5 pounds. Not sure what the scale will say when we get back. Traveling is always hard. I think I have done better this time because I packed lots of healthy snacks and even a few meals. We haven't eaten out in any out of control ways and I have stayed in my calorie range every day.

I am not sure that the vacation has been much for the kids. They always expect something grand and I don't always feel like I can meet their expectations. The boys are getting to the point where they think they are too old to just hang out at the pool and "play". Some cute girls got them to stay longer one day. I had wanted to take them to the Capitol and to UT but it rained one day and then the mood left me. Maybe we can get those visits in tomorrow before we leave to go to Houston. Maybe I should quit trying to please everyone and just relax myself.

That brings up another thought or maybe more of a feeling. It feels so hard to put myself first. I have been sick this week with a cold/sinus infection and really felt the worst in the morning. I just wanted to sleep. So today I did. I also sat next to the workout room everyday but felt like I couldn't ask the boys to watch my daughter for long enough to get a workout. I did one day but not again. There has been some other stuff that has taken away from me but I won't discuss that here. I guess I type all this to help me realize that I need to make some time for myself. I need to make my wants, desires, and needs important. But how do I do that after all these years?

We officially started our spring break vacation yesterday, driving to Austin. My food wasn't great but I didn't go over my calories by much. The main thing was that I didn't get my water in. I felt pretty swollen and retained alot. Gotta do better about that today. Don't have much time to work on my blog this morning because we are packing up and heading to the hotel where my husband's conference is. The kids and I have plans of shopping, swimming, and playing.

Another week is gone. I have done well this week. I really wanted to eat the entire house last night but had a school board meeting that took up a few hours and then got on the treadmill until time to go to bed. I won't weight again until next week but don't really feel much different.

I saw my knee doctor for what I hope will be the last time. The only restrictions that I have now are no kneeling, no stairs, no squatting, and limit bending to 90 degrees. You ask for how long and I say forever, Forever, FFFFFOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVVEEEERRRRR. Not the best news but could be worse. I will continue the P90X with limits, I will continue the BFL workouts with modifications, and I will continue to run.

On another note, an old friend passed away yesterday. He was 39 years young. Autopsy results will be in today and everyone is questioning why. I have lots of mixed feelings about the whole thing. Feelings that won't be discussed here. But these feelings are what caused me to want to eat. In that regard, I was strong. I did not eat. I did not crawl in bed and hide. I did not rush to rescue everyone. I did what I needed. I exercised. I stuck to my meal plan. I talked about my feelings with a friend and with my husband. I felt better. I didn't sleep well but I can recover from that.

Spring break is starting at 3:45 today. We will be traveling alot but I look forward to the time with my kids and with my family. I will use this time for myself.

I wasn't very today from yesterday's workout but as I sit here tonight getting caught up on facebook I can feel the soreness coming on. I love it. I know that I will need to work through these first few days of soreness and stick with it so I can make the changes I need to make.

I got my kickboxing workout in and 40 minutes on the treadmill. I started watching/listening to a movie last night while I was working out. I didn't allow myself to finish it unless I was on the treadmill. Tonight I only had a 40 minute workout but still have 10 minutes left of the movie. I am tempted to get back on the treadmill to finish it. I think it's a good tool. I never have time to sit and watch a full movie so if I can get two workouts in and one movie then it will work great.

Anybody have any good movie suggestions?