Author: Jilligan
•11:28 AM
Warning: This post contains information about me seriously going off track.

So after a great day Saturday and finally having the ability to use something other then food for comfort, I found out I wasn't "cured" on Sunday.

A storm caused us to turn around on our way to church. So I lost the accountability from that part of the family. The same storm caused my husband to have to go out to work so I lost the accountability from that man. My daughter got caught up in tv so as long as I wasn't eating that, she didn't notice what I was doing. The boys never notice what I am doing. So I was alone with my thoughts and my food.

Some of you who don't have problems with addiction or food or weight may never understand what I am writing and the feelings that caused me to do what I did...Lucky you.

So it starts with:

Breakfast burrito-instantly sick on tortilla, cheese, and grease-thought I was going to die but continued binge later.
Cookie dough-3 frozen cookies
Chilli (which was okay) but added cheese and fritos-too much, gave it to daughter
Girl scout cookies-5
Ritz crackers with cheese
snow ice cream with dt coke for a coke float-gave this away also-too much sugar
Cookie dough-3 more frozen cookies
3 small pickles
Chilli with cheese and more crackers

Overall not really a whole lot of calories but lots of carbs, carbs, carbs. I had a headache, I was sick to my stomach, I wanted to throw up, but I kept on eating.

I still have the leftover carb headache. I am still sick to my stomach. I was up 2.6 pounds this morning. I feel like a cheater. I feel like a liar. I feel like a disappointment.

But life goes on. I am not going to lie about what I ate. I am going to continue to work on the whys and get through this.

I just wish I could wrap up this stomach pain and this headache and next time I want to binge, just eat them instead. Same result without all the calories.
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1 comments:

On February 7, 2011 at 9:50 PM , sandra said...

Headache gone?
MED complete?